![]() And every year, it’s exactly what I need. So every year, when holiday commercials start making me ugly cry, I pull out my worn copy of The Family Stone. ![]() You know, just the average run of the mill holiday family stories, as polled from your APW staff. Nobody is making bets behind your back about to whether or not you’re pregnant based on the fact that you haven’t had anything to drink at 9AM. Nobody is getting flashed by their grandma. Nobody is making thinly veiled racist remarks and one time called Oprah Winfrey “Opal Winthrop.” Nobody has a family member in jail. Nobody is lying on the ground in the backyard, pretending to look at the sky, just so nobody can see the tears pooling in their eyes and running down their cheeks. Nobody’s having a screaming match with a parent who “just called to say Merry Christmas” (but really just wanted to yell at you). ![]() Nobody’s relatives are ripping their “joke of a career” to shreds while pretending to compliment it. Nobody is getting disowned because their mother didn’t like their choice of post-dinner movie ( South Park, if you were wondering). I polled the some of the APW staff, and apparently those commercials make them feel bad about their lives too.īecause nobody in those commercials seems to have gotten so angry with a present that they started yelling at someone sitting under the tree, who is now crying. So around this time of year, when my TV starts filling up with perfect extended families in perfect outfits in their perfectly decorated (kinda wealthy) homes, eating their Thanksgiving Turkeys (that honestly don’t look that good because they’re made with cream of mushroom soup or jello or some product I’m supposed to buy), or around their perfect trees, all laughing and joking with each other… I start feeling badly about myself. I blame this on the fact that I grew up without a TV, and hence never became immune to the power of the TV commercial. The, “Everyone has a perfect family and has perfect holidays except me,” cry. We’ve hit the time of year where TV commercials make me cry.
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